"But oh, to be free"

Just like many others in the world, I am still reeling from the death and apparent suicide of famed actor and comedian Robin Williams.

Robin was a great part of so many of the beloved movies from my childhood (Mrs. Doubtfire, Jumanji, Aladdin) and is a major fixture in many of my favorite movies I have now as an adult (Good Will Hunting, What Dreams May Come, Patch Adams.)

It's unreal to think someone who brought such joy to the world was in such a dark place himself. But I understand exactly what that is like.

I'm going to be open and honest today and many of you might not like what I have to say, but here goes. Suicide is selfish and awful and tragic. And worst of all, it's preventable. I've known many who have struggled with suicide to the point of making suicide attempts, and I've known others who have finished the job. It's awful. It leaves those behind with a gaping hole in their hear that only fills with despair and confusion.

I read a blog by well-known Christian, Conservative Blogger Matt Walsh today on the subject. I refuse to link to it because I don't want to give him the hits and I think he's way off base. So if you really feel it is necessary to read it, Google him.

Essentially Walsh comes up with the theory that suicide has nothing to do with the sickness that comes with depression and is left entirely by choice to the individual effected.

This makes no sense to me because those who struggle with addiction or alcoholism are making a choice to continue drinking or doing drugs, but their choice is heavily influenced by the chemically-altered state. This is the SAME thing that happens with a person is depressed. They aren't thinking clearly. They are depressed passed the point of loneliness. It's hard to see above that cloud of darkness to the smiling, bright faces of their loved ones. Those who are depressed convince themselves that their loved ones would be better off without them. Their chemically imbalanced brain makes these rationalizations possible.

I know this because I've been to that point. I understand that level of depression. Thankfully for me I had a great support system and loving family and friends who brought me out of that dark place. But for someone like Robin who has been dealing with cycles of depression off and on for decades, I imagine it would get to a place where it all becomes too much to handle.

He was tired. Tired of fighting the darkness. Does that make it okay for him to make such a selfish decision? No, absolutely not. But was he making a clear and cognizant choice either? No, I don't believe so.

So before we begin judging those who make such an awful "choice," Matt Walsh, I suggest you get a degree in psychology, or take down your judgmental views to realize you have no idea what it is like to be that depressed, that sad, that lonely to make such an awful and heartbreaking choice for your family and friends and loved ones.

/end soapbox

If any of you reading this experiences depression and doesn't know where to turn for help, please call  1-800-273-8255, the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Or tell a friend. Tell a family member. So many people deal with depression at some point in their lives. You are not alone and you won't ever be alone if you just ask for someone to talk to. Sometimes having someone to talk to is all it takes.