So since I have a few lucky ladies in my life currently expecting to join the ranks of motherhood within the next few months, I wanted to share a few points based on things I've learned about being a mother. Granted, I have less than two years experience under my belt so take all of this with a grain of salt, but here's my take. For what it's worth.
1. Ignore the advice.
Hypocritical statement? Yup. Especially because I am writing this in hopes that at least someone will listen to what I have to say. But seriously if there is one thing I can impart to you, new mom, is this: as mothers, the moment we see those two pink lines on a stick, something changes inside us. A click. Some say it's hormones and of course, that is true. But it's also a mental shift unlike any other you've ever experience. Granted, maybe this isn't true for all moms. But it certainly was for me. Your mothering instincts kick in and give you a super power that previously lay dormant until this moment. This is a super power that takes approximately nine more months to prepare you mentally and emotionally.
And then that moment comes when you are holding that sweet, beautiful baby (or more than one in some cases) in your arms and you realize, YES, this was meant. I was meant to have you. You are mine. I am yours. And it feels so real and natural and those awesome endorphins kick in, (thanks, oxytocin!) and you are on cloud nine.
With those incredible feelings comes those super power mommy instincts and you are ready to do this.
Are you like me? Didn't know how to change a diaper? No worries, you'll figure it out. Don't know how to breastfeed? No worries, you'll figure it out.
So much comes naturally. Each day I learn something new about how to parent and it's the best and most challenging experience of my life. So ignore the advice that doesn't fit your situation. Because you will FIGURE IT OUT. It's scary and daunting and challenging, but listen to what you feel is right. Don't do something just because your mom or your sister or a book (or ME!) told you to.
Not all babies are the same. Not all moms are the same. Not all dads are the same, etc. What works for your sister or your mom isn't necessarily going to work for you.
And do what feels natural. If it feels wrong to let your baby cry all night because a book told you that is the only way a baby is going to learn to self-soothe, then by all means, PLEASE pick up that crying baby.
2. Hold your baby.
Ever heard the expression, babies will get spoiled if you hold them too much? Not true. As a wife, do you get too spoiled by affection from your husband? No. Babies are made for us to love them. They understand love to be touch and caress. Please, hold your baby.
3. Ask for help.
While I encourage you to ignore the well-meaning, but often unusable to your situation advice, I am going to say, DON'T be afraid to ask for help. I've always loved the expression "It takes a village to raise a child" because it's true. Don't you remember learning all kinds of things from different people and influences in your life? Whether it's your mom, dad, aunt, uncle, grandparent, teacher, church leader, etc., it is good to ask for help when you need it. Especially if it is breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is hard for many women. Don't give up. Ask for help. Sometimes it's just not possible, but most of the time, a breastfeeding "problem" has a very easy fix. Also, if you begin to experience more than just the baby blues, please ask for help asap. Postpartum depression is very real and very treatable, but you have to be willing to ask for help.
4. Cherish your baby.
I won't tell you to love every single second of every single day. Because frankly, that's ridiculous and impossible. BUT I will say, do your best to remember that these days go by so quickly. Your baby will be a week old and you'll say, WOW I can't believe you've been here for an entire week. And then you'll blink and your baby will no longer be a baby, they'll be a toddler and you'll be planning their second birthday party. (And I'm sure moms with even older kids will tell me that the time continues flying by and soon your kids are leaving the nest altogether.) So understand the importance of cherishing those sweet moments with your baby. There will be oh so many of them, so many your heart can barely handle it. Then they turn into toddlers and life gets CRAY, but still so awesome. And even the less-than-great moments? The ones that are tough to completely cherish? Just remember that those moments exist so that the sweet moments are even sweeter.
5. Cherish yourself.
A LOT happens to you and your body and mental state after you have a baby. Think you were tired on those never-ending nights of endless studying for finals in college? Those days ain't got nothin' on newborn-induced sleep deprivation. You'll think crazy thoughts. Really crazy thoughts. You'll get mad. Really mad. But even though the nights seem to last forever, they don't. You WILL sleep again, I promise.
Motherhood can sometimes be isolating. Especially while you are on maternity leave or if you are a stay at home mom. Take time for yourself. Make your partner/husband help you. You may have to ask for help from him. A lot. (lesson learned the hard way here).
Find your tribe. Find other mamas who have like-,minded parenting philosophies. Relate to them and let them relate to you. You can celebrate and commiserate together. It makes it soooo much easier to know other moms who have been through it and can understand your insane levels of sleep deprivation with you. Or understand the perils and joys of breastfeeding.
But most of all, do your best to enjoy your new normal.
Being a mom is easily the best and yet, the most difficult, thing I've ever done in my life. And each day I remember how grateful I am to get to be called Mommy.
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